I'm going to be perfectly honest...the past two and a half weeks have been incredibly rough for me. I wish I had amazing things to share with y'all but I just don't right now. My pseudotumor cerebri migraines have been extremely intense, other health issues have surfaced, and I haven't been able to get anything accomplished around the house. I am mentally shut down, buried in a dark hole I've created.
This isn't anything new for me. I get really overwhelmed by things "piling up" in my head and then I check-out. I'm not a negative person, in general, but I tend to see my life as a series of personal failures. If you tell me something I've accomplished my brain immediately puts a negative spin on it. I wouldn't dare say it outloud, it's just an inner voice that won't shut up. I've always been this way and I hate it. It's something I am continually working on through prayer and counseling but after 35+ years it can feel quite impossible at times.
This toxic thinking has plagued me recently in our quest to simplify and move into a tiny home. Whether it's having a panic attack over meaningless items around the house, talking through finances with Ed, preparing for our upcoming garage sale, or utterly hating my weight/health problems it's just all one big pile of junk in my head.
Everything seems virtually impossible and I feel this tiny house/simplifying thing is going to be one more failure in my life. I know all these words and thoughts in my head are not of God. I know "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" and "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" but sometimes it's just too hard to silence the negative.
Y'all, I'm struggling right now and this is my heart's cry...